


expectations

by jodieoswald



Series: thirteenth doctor [19]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22102516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jodieoswald/pseuds/jodieoswald
Summary: yasmin khan seems to be even more pressured to find a boyfriend by her family than previously, which doesn't co-exist well with her feelings for the doctor. she manages to escape for a trip in the box with the others, but the situation at home hasn't disappeared.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Series: thirteenth doctor [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1095339
Comments: 6
Kudos: 72





	1. part one

**Author's Note:**

> there will be a part two to this!

"I'll be back in a few days, mum," Yaz repeated, shoving any clothes she could find into her backpack. "I'm just going away with friends,"

"I want phone calls regularly, Yasmin, and once you get back you can meet Ali," she announced from the doorway into her daughter's room, hands on her hips.

Yaz stopped packing. "Ali?"

"You remember him, don't you? He's very keen to meet you again, he's grown up very handsome since school!"

"Mum please-"

Nahjia took a step forward, her tone more persistent now. "Yasmin, you're going to meet him, no ifs or buts. You need to start dating and you'll need to get married soon, and Ali is a perfect person to start experiencing dating with,"

Yaz took a deep breath and contained the frustration that was boiling up within her. "Okay, sure. See you soon, love you," she walked out, leaving the house.

* * *

"Ah, Yaz! There you are!" the Doctor said, beaming along with Ryan and Graham, all stationed round the console. "What took you so long?"

"Nothing," Yaz smiled. "Just saying goodbye and all that,"

"Of course," the Doctor gave another charming smile. "Ooh! I almost forgot! You can put your stuff in your new room, c'mon, I'll show you," 

Yaz greeted the boys on the way past and followed the Timelord down the stretch of corridors. She was always in awe of the interior of the TARDIS, how it was almost infinite with its rooms, each unique. Just on the way to her room she spotted a park, a swimming pool, two libraries and a kitchen, and she was sure on her way back it'd be all out of order. 

"Here we are," the Doctor raised her eyebrows, opening the door. Behind was an intimate space, with a double bed and bedside table and a mounted television opposite. "Like it?"

"It's lovely," Yaz looked at the Doctor brightly. 

"It's pretty plain at the moment, but you can add whatever you like or ask me for any furniture. The TARDIS added the TV just for you, actually. You can watch any television show or movie that has ever existed,"

"Wow," Yaz whispered. "Thanks, Doctor,"

"Anything for you," the Doctor planted a kiss on her forehead. Yaz felt her body grow warm. "I'll leave you to it, come out to the console room when you're ready,"

Once the Doctor had left, Yaz shut her door and sat on her bed. All of her repressed emotions from the last hour was now spilling out of her, tears streaming down her face. She was ready to scream at her own mother. It seemed as though, ever since they'd met the Doctor, they'd pressured Yaz even more to involve herself more with boys - and, in any other situation she'd probably comply or be in a relationship by now, but the Doctor existed. So, it wasn't so easy. 

* * *

Among a planet a few galaxies over, the team were armed with huge winter coats and scarves, watching the annual light show, drinking cups of luke-warm neon green sludge which tasted oddly like strawberries. The light show was beautiful, and used trained, light-up, flying bugs that flew around and created different shapes and pictures. Yaz was sandwiched between the Doctor and an alien. 

"Do you like it?" the Doctor almost whispered amongst the chatter of others.

"I think it's amazing," Yaz replied. "Can't compare to fireworks,"

"I agree. Fireworks are overrated," the Doctor said. Both women chuckled.

"Thank you for this Doctor," Yaz said. "I love seeing all of this and I love spending time with you,"

"Oh, Yaz," the Doctor smiled and stroked her companion's cheek. "I love seeing you experience all of this. It reminds me of when I was younger, when I ran away and explored the universe for the first time," 

"You ran away? What happened?"

The Doctor smiled and waved. "Here I am now,"

"Oh, wow," she paused. "I wish I could," Yaz tried to play this off with a chuckle. 

The Doctor took Yaz's hands in her own, grazing over her skin with her thumb, consoling her. Yaz felt her stomach flutter. 

* * *

A week or so later, they returned to the TARDIS, dirty and tired, in the same clothes from when they arrived. It turned out that the light-up bugs were the reason why so many people were going missing, and thus the week long adventure to save others from being killed. Graham and Ryan immediately retreated to their rooms to sleep.

Yaz was about to go to her own. "Doctor, aren't you going to sleep?"

"I never really need to sleep, and when I do I use the room you now have," the Doctor replied. "I might take a nap in the library, though, because that was _quite_ an adventure,"

"It was. Killer bugs and all that," Yaz chuckled. She opened her mouth to speak, but hesitated. 

The Doctor looked up from the console. "Go on," she persisted.

"Er, well, you can always use my bed, if you'd like," her cheeks grew hot.

"What a kind offer, Yaz," the Doctor gave a friendly smile. "Go and get some rest. I'll wake you when I think of somewhere interesting to go,"

"Alright, g'night, Doctor," Yaz walked off, half relieved that the Doctor was rather oblivious to her suggestive behaviour.

* * *

Yaz was awoken several hours later, not by the Doctor, but by Graham. "The Doc's finally thought of a planet she thinks we'll like,"

"Oh, nice," she croaked, and began to get ready to join the others.

"Ready, fam?" the Doctor pulled the lever. "You'll love this place, I swear,"

The TARDIS landed a few seconds later, the Doctor clicking her fingers to reveal the planet hidden behind the doors. 

"Er, are you sure this is where you meant to take us?" Ryan questioned, pointing outside, at the exact opposite of a tropical, colourful beach. Instead, a windy, mountainous, grey view was before them.

"Well, nothing like a surprise, eh?" she tapped the console. She noticed no one had followed when she walked outside. "C'mon, fam, there's got to be something interesting to see, otherwise the TARDIS wouldn't have ignored our request."

* * *

The four found themselves perched at the top of a cliff after an hour of exploring the area. Graham and the Doctor were bickering about biscuits or the like, whilst Yaz was staring into the clouded distance.

Ryan gently nudged her on the shoulder. "You alright, Yaz?"

"Yeah," Yaz replied, giving a small smile. 

"You sure?"

Yaz hesitated. "It's just... all of this is great and all, but one day I'm going to have to go home again. My parents, you know what they're like, they arranged for me to meet this guy two days after I left. They want me to start dating,"

"I get you," Ryan swung his legs off of the edge of the cliff where they were sat. "It's not the same, yeah, but my mates all have girlfriends and always talk about them. It's a lot of pressure,"

"Yeah," Yaz sighed. "But, you're jealous, right?"

"S'pose so, yeah,"

"That's the difference, I guess. I'd rather not have a husband, or a boyfriend, but it's obvious ever since they met the Doctor that's all they've wanted,"

"What, because they see the Doctor as a _distraction_?" Ryan scoffed, and Yaz laughed.

"Don't blame them entirely for that," Yaz half joked. 

* * *

Graham placed down his last card. "Ha!"

"What?!" the Doctor shouted. "You didn't even say uno!"

"He did," Yaz and Ryan said in unison, laughing.

The Doctor gave a pouty face and began to clear the game away. "You lot must be tired after a day of exploring, right?"

"It was borderline hiking, with that hill," Graham yawned. "Lucky I took a turkey sandwich with me,"

"Agreed," Ryan got up from his seat. "But it was nice not to have any danger for once, so I s'pose the TARDIS was wrong about that,"

"True," Graham added.

"I think she wanted us to have a break, explore somewhere new," the Doctor smiled.

"Well, it was nice of her. Right, I'm off to bed, g'night Doc," Graham said

"Yeah, g'night Doctor," Ryan left with Graham.

Yaz sat on the sofa, mindlessly scrolling through her phone, despite the fact she had no service. She knew that her mum would be furious she hadn't called, but there was a huge part of her that truly couldn't care. 

"Yaz, you alright?" the Doctor sat beside her.

She nodded. "We're going home again tomorrow, aren't we?"

"Yeah! For as long as you like," she grinned. Her companion gave a small smile.

"Right, I'll go and sleep," Yaz stood up. "Are you tired? My offer's still open,"

"Yeah, but-"

"No arguing!" she chuckled. "C'mon," 

"Okay. If you insist!" the Doctor winked, playfully. 

The two women tucked themselves into bed, shifting ever so slightly to get in the comfiest position. They both faced the ceiling.

"Doctor," Yaz begun. "I'm not sure I want to go home tomorrow,"

The Doctor turned to face her. "I heard you talking about it with Ryan earlier,"

"Yeah, I just, I'm not ready to go back, because I feel like if I do," she paused. "If I do, I'll have to stay home. I don't think I ever want to stay,"

The blonde woman nodded, a twinkle in her eye, perhaps a twinkle of sadness. 

"My parents will want me to stay and work, get married, have kids and do all of the things an ideal daughter would do. My mum wanted me to call regularly, but all they'd want to know is whether I was going to be home on time, only because they want me to meet this guy I went to secondary school with, Ali. Maybe I would do if I didn't have you in my life. Without you and all of this, I wouldn't have anything to lose, I wouldn't have anything exciting, so I'd just settle for the traditional life. But now, all I want is to explore the universe, with you,"

"Oh, Yaz," the Doctor whispered. "You don't have to go home tomorrow. You're always welcome in here. But, if you do choose to visit home, don't ever think you have to stay. You know them better than me, though it could be better to face your parents and be honest, tell them how you feel, see how they react, and go from there. It's your choice, and I'm here for you whatever you do." A tear fell from Yaz's face and onto her pillow. 

"Yeah, maybe I should go and speak to them, either way I'm coming back," she sniffed. 

"But you know the dangers of staying?"

"Of course, killer bugs and mutant spiders,"

"Yaz," the Doctor said, almost stern.

"Doctor, I do, I promise, and whatever happens, I want to stay," Yaz could've been intimidated at her change in tone.

"I just wanted to make sure," the Doctor grinned. "Then you can stay as long as you like,"

Yaz smiled. "Thanks, Doctor,"

"Have you checked out your new TV yet?"

"Oh, I completely forgot" Yaz grabbed the remote and flicked through all of the channels as the Doctor explained each one. They finally settled on some movie from the 1980s after several minutes, and the Doctor drifted off almost immediately, her companion soon after, both enjoying the other's presence.


	2. part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the doctor takes yaz back to her family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh enjoyyyyyyy

Yaz was woken up by a loud clang in the kitchen nearby her room. She looked beside her at an empty space, and so, putting two and two together - the Doctor was the cause of the noise. However funny this was, Yaz was rather upset she didn't wake up next to the Doctor, being able to see how peaceful her face looked, like she'd dreamed of. _One step at a time,_ she thought. 

She walked into the small kitchen, watching the Doctor in front of the hob trying to make what looked like goo.

"Ah, mornin' Yaz!" the Doctor smiled awkwardly. "I tried to be all human-like and make pancakes for you all before you go home, but as you can see-"

"-it looks like goo," Yaz finished.

The Doctor scrunched her face in shock. "That's not even what I was going to say!" Yaz laughed, throwing her hands up in defence. "Does it really look that bad?"

"No, of course not!" her companion exclaimed. "Well... maybe a little,"

The Doctor scrunched her face again, trying to cover up a laugh. 

"Look, I'll show you," Yaz discarded the blonde's mixture and began to make the pancakes herself, showing her each step. "Okay, now, it's ready to flip," she passed the pan to the Doctor.

After a count of three, the Timelord flipped the pancake. Yaz was surprised to see it land in the pan - the Doctor being even more so, giving herself a celebratory punch to the air.

"I'm well proud of m'self," she grinned. "Don't think I've made pancakes in about five lifetimes,"

"You should be," Yaz grinned back. The two caught eye contact for a few seconds and Yaz felt her face heat up. The Doctor did too, not having the strength to repress her feelings for her female companion. She didn't want to take it any further, terrified at the thought of either of them being hurt as a result.

* * *

The TARDIS landed. "There you go, two days after you left," the Doctor took her hand off the lever. "I'm surprised she managed it, you should've turned up three weeks later, but she's obviously got a little energy in her today," she looked down at the console, smiling.

Ryan grinned. "Well, tell her I said thanks,"

"Bye, Doc," Graham smiled. "We'll see you in a week, yeah?"

"Of course, boys," the Doctor gave a heartfelt smile. "See you later,"

Ryan and Graham smiled to both the Doctor and Yaz before departing the TARDIS to do whatever they'd planned for the next seven days at home. It wasn't long after they'd left that anxiety began to radiate off of Yaz, filling the room with worry about the near future. 

"Do you still want to do this, Yaz?" the Doctor asked, a hint of concern in her tone.

She hesitated. "Yes. I think it's for the best,"

"Okay," the Doctor squeezed her shoulder. "I'm proud of you. Not just for this even, for everything you do. You surprise me every day, Yasmin Khan,"

Yaz smiled, tears brewing in her eyes. She wrapped her arms around the Timelord, her mind suddenly wandering to other things. One small movement from Yaz could change their relationship completely, one small touch could imply a whole different feeling; she had the power in that second to change the course of her relationship with the Doctor, and perhaps the course of the rest of her life, and yet, she didn't move. She savoured the moment of _platonic_ intimacy. 

Her feelings for the Doctor bloomed, perhaps, the moment she met the woman, when she crashed through the train roof and plunged herself straight into the situation, committed to keeping everyone in the carriage alive. Since then, they'd only intensified, pulling herself deeper and deeper every second she spent with her, alone or with the rest of the gang. In a group of people her eyes would always be on her. The surface of her situation made it seem like she was just dealing with normal feelings for an ordinary person, but this was the Doctor, an alien from galaxies far away, a whole past behind her.

In reality, Yasmin Khan knew almost nothing about the traveller's past. There'd been hints dropped, of course, through her mostly nonsensical rambling and stories (which Yaz always listened to, whether she understood it or not) and sometimes through answers to questions the companions had - though, nothing in detail. Yaz knew there'd been people before her, likely a few love interests, maybe even a wife, and that she'd lost a lot. 

She wished the Doctor knew that knowing all about her, even the bad bits, _especially_ the bad bits, would not make her want to run away. 

* * *

The Doctor walked her companion up to her flat, trying to keep the mood light by making jokes or giving one-liners about the weather or surroundings. Yaz appreciated the effort.

"Right, here we are," Yaz sighed. 

"I'll wait for you in the TARDIS," the Doctor said. "You'll be fine, okay? Deep breaths,"

"Thanks, Doctor," she took a deep breath, . 

* * *

The Doctor lent against the console, her arms crossed, deep in thought. Her worry for her fellow companion had subsided and her thoughts returned not to Yaz, but her feelings for the woman. The Timelord knew that there was unspoken chemistry between the two, however much she chose to ignore, or dismiss it. It was very present. Her past plagued her constantly - every time she was alone her mind flew back to the people she loved and lost. Yaz could not be another one of those people and she was certain of that. But she already loved Yasmin Khan. She couldn't change that. She couldn't lose her.

The TARDIS doors creaked open and her companion entered the ship. The Doctor looked up and grinned. "How'd it go?" 

"Great," Yaz smiled, yet something was off. The Doctor could tell when something was off. 

"Are you sure?" she took a step closer.

"Yeah, of course," there was a glimmer of sadness in her eye. 

"Yaz-" the Doctor went to hold her hands. 

"Doctor, please, I'm fine," Yaz was stern now. 

The Doctor took her hand in her own gently. Yaz snatched her hand back. "Doctor, please, I don't need you to hold me," she almost shouted. "I don't know what this is, between us, but it can't continue, okay? I can't handle being your friend but being treated like more because you don't want to commit to anything,"

"I-"

"I need some time alone," she left the Doctor to handle what she'd just said, alone, shocked.

* * *

Yaz laid on her bed in the same position she'd been in when she and the Timelord had been the previous night when they'd been talking. 

The conversation didn't go as well as she'd planned, obviously, and although her sister had been supportive, her parents had not. She told them she didn't want a relationship, didn't want to date and didn't want to meet Ali. Her mother blamed it on the Doctor, and she agreed:

"Of course it's because of the Doctor!" Yaz shouted. "She's the most amazing person I have ever met. I don't want to meet Ali, or any man you tell me to, because it'd be a waste of everyone's time. I don't care for what you want me to do with my life because it's my _fucking_ life. Mum, Dad, I love you both so, so much, but I'm _sick_ of you telling me what to do,"

"Yasmin-" 

She cut Najhia off with a hug, silencing her. Tears dripped onto her mother's shoulder. She then hugged her father. "Mum, Dad, I think you need some time for this to sink in, okay? I do. You can call me when you need me,"

That was that: she'd told her parents. God, it hurt to see them like that, but Yaz knew the only way for them to accept her was with a (verbal) kick up the backside. She was halfway back walking to the TARDIS when she realised that she needed clarification on her relationship with the Doctor. It now angered her somehow that it felt as though she was almost being _used._ It seemed as though, to Yaz, within all of her anger, frustration, sadness, it was clear the Timelord liked her back. Yet, they were still friends and would probably always be because the blonde could never take it that step further.

As Yaz relived the events of the day for several hours on her bed, staring at the empty space beside her, her emotions settled. Her mind cleared. She realised that although the Doctor had some faults, she had too. 

The Doctor was sat in her favourite armchair in the library, where she'd go when she needed to think. It somehow helped her thought process, she had said before, being surrounded by books. 

"Doctor, can we talk?" Yaz asked. She sat on a sofa positioned close to her armchair, her head down.

"Of course," she looked at her companion, a look of worry in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I acted out of anger and sadness and it was ignorant," she began. "As you can probably tell, the conversation didn't go as I thought. I told them about everything, they obviously blamed you for all of it, being a distraction or whatever, and I lashed out, hugged them and went. So I came back and took it all out on you,"

"I'm sorry it didn't go well. You did all you could, and what's done is done," the Doctor gave a small, sad smile. "I'm sorry for pressuring you when you got back, I shouldn't have pushed you into a corner. It was fair that you reacted the way you did,"

"I shouldn't have questioned us. I was obviously looking to deep into things and-"

"Yaz, you were completely right. I've been selfish. Of course I like you. I care for you so much that I _don't_ want to take it further. I'm terrified of commitments and love - you know that,"

"Doctor, I never asked you to commit to or promise anything. I didn't want something to happen, leaving me wondering for the rest of my life what could've been. I don't want our relationship to be like that,"

"I've lived for so long. I've seen so many go. I've hurt so many and so many have hurt me. You'll go one day, too. You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can't spend the rest of my life with you," the Doctor remembered the last time she said those words, standing on a beach. She felt a tear run down her cheek.

Yaz gulped back her tears. She knew the reality of travelling with the Doctor, but that didn't want to make her run. "Then why don't we live now and forget about that one day? Why should you grieve the future? Why-" She felt a tear escape.

"Oh, Yasmin Khan," the Doctor moved so she could stroke Yaz's cheek. "Because I'm terrified of loving you and losing you. I get so caught up in love and bad things happen,"

"We're all going to go one day and you know that, and either way, whether we take that step further or not, I'm still going to love you and you're still going to love me. We can and will make it work, and maybe bad things won't happen. So why not take it that step further?" Yaz took the blonde's hand off her cheek and clasped it with her own.

The Timelord hesitated, thinking. "God, you're right,"

Her companion smiled through her tears. The Doctor edged closer to Yaz, pressing her lips on hers, electricity coursing through both of their bodies, their cheeks heating up, their brains fuzzy. After several short seconds, they pulled away, taking a moment to catch their breath, looking at one another. Yaz felt the need to speak, but hesitated. She decided not to say those three words, yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i wasn't gonna make them kiss at first and possibly write another chapter to develop their relationship, but lets face it i'd probs never write it. so i decided to just give u the kiss so ur not annoyed. sorry if this is so bad loll xx
> 
> i mean, lemme know if u want another chapter to see what ur faves got up to in the week without ryan and graham? x

**Author's Note:**

> wow its 1am and i just finished. please leave feedback below, it really helps with motivation and improving etc!


End file.
